Steven Washington: Sometimes, well, some bad thing that could happen in one’s life, you think, well, that’s my excuse, you know, if that happens, then of course I could have a drink or I could do drugs.
Like, wouldn’t you, wouldn’t you wanna take the edge off? but I realized early on that there were no conditions that I could put on my recovery.
Tami Simon:
In this episode of Insights at the Edge. My guest is Steven Washington. Steven helps people in recovery stay grounded and focused through mindfulness and movement. He was a professional Broadway dancer. And is now an acclaimed Qigong and Pilates teacher. He’s the author of the book, recovering You, soul Care and Mindful Movement for Overcoming Addiction, and he’s the creator of the Stephen Washington experience.
The SWE Studio, it’s an affordable online community that offers movement, meditation and more. Steven, welcome.
Steven Washington: Thank you so much, Tammy. It’s lovely to meet you and to be here with you.
Tami Simon: We’re getting to know each other for the first time, and I imagine many of our listeners are getting to know you for the first time as well. So if you would, can you trace us back? It’s now been, if I understand correctly, 23 years.
Steven Washington: Mm-hmm.
Tami Simon: ago that you officially entered recovery, or from one perspective you could say you admitted to yourself that you quote unquote hit bottom.
I’d love to know about that and a little bit about what this recovery journey has been like for you.
Steven Washington: Gosh, 23 years ago I first decided or understood and admitted that I had a problem with drugs and alcohol. Uh, and that my life had become unmanageable, feels like a lifetime ago. And it also feels like yesterday, especially when I, uh, yes. I was just saying before this, this conversation began. I was saying that I saw some friends here in the Palm Springs area that I actually got sober with and that we’re all still sober.
And uh, and it just brings back so many memories. If I can encapsulate what it was like for me, it was fun, it was fun with problems, and then it was just problems. Ultimately. That was my journey with, with substances. I felt very uncomfortable in my body. Uh, I felt like I’m a very sensitive person, uh, still am, and this dense plane was just too much for me and I sought. Escape through things outside of myself, like drugs and alcohol and food, cetera. And for a long time it worked until it didn’t work anymore. luckily I had people around me, a few people, one in particular who was in recovery, his name is Craig, and he wore recovery beautifully. He just seemed happy, joyous, and free. I. Was just wounded just enough that I was willing to think about making a, a change and a shift and to let go of what I had considered to be my, my, my best friends for so long, alcohol and drugs, and try something new. And I’m so glad that I did because it’s changed my life forever. And, uh, and we’ll get into this later in terms of is a complicated experience that we all have.
And, and there are there ups and there down and downs. And what I’ve committed myself to is no matter what is happening in my life, my recovery is non-negotiable because without my recovery, else that’s really beautiful is possible. So, you know, that’s my, um, how I kind of got here, like what got me into the world of recovery. while I’ve been in recovery, so many things have happened and so many beautiful, uh, opportunities have come my way. That have led me to this moment of talking to you, uh, led me to writing my book, led me to the work that I do, helping other people in recovery or anyone who is seeking any kind of change or transformation. It’s, uh, it’s been an experience of following my intuition in terms of where I need to go. I felt like once I left my dance career. On Broadway, I started to teach Pilates in New York City and I started to, I had a feeling, I had a strong desire to help my clients in deeper ways, and my first thought was to become a Chinese medicine doctor. And so I began that journey of studying Chinese medicine and I moved from New York to California to do so. really hard to get into a program. Took me a couple of years to get into one, to find out once I was there that it wasn’t the right place for me, which to some people that wouldn’t seem like a big deal.
But for me, I come from a mindset of like, once you start something, you gotta finish it. There’s no such thing as change in your mind. A really powerful lesson to learn that you can always change your mind no matter what. And so while in Chinese medicine school, a semester in, I realized that my path was massage therapy. So I moved into massage therapy, but I, I later discovered that one of the reasons why I ended up in Chinese medicine school was to become introduced to Qigong. That’s why I first experienced Qigong. And universe created a situation for me that was incredibly stressful. Like that period of my life. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to stay sober because the amount of stress that I was under going back to grad school was, huge. But there was something about the medicine of that helped me zoom out. And get the bigger picture of the experience and what it was here to teach me and how it was going to help me grow and how I would be able to take this and help other people with that medicine.
Tami Simon: I wanna go deeper, especially into the insights that have impacted your life from Qigong. But before we do, I just wanna pull one little thread of something you said. My recovery is not negotiable, it’s non-negotiable. What does that mean?
Does that mean that engaging in any consumption of drugs and alcohol is not negotiable? Or what do you mean by that statement? My recovery is not negotiable.
Steven Washington: The best way that I can describe it is sometimes we can place conditions our commitment to something. When I first got sober, I often heard about big things happening in people’s lives, like losing a loved one, um, losing a child. a de, uh, some sort of health crisis or what have you, and people not being sure that whether they could stay sober through that. And sometimes, well, some bad thing that could happen in one’s life, you think, well, that’s my excuse, you know, if that happens, then of course I could do, I could have a drink or I could do drugs.
I could, you like, wouldn’t you, wouldn’t you wanna take the edge off? Um, but I realized early on that. There were no conditions that I could put on my recovery. Like when my, when my stepmother died and I was grieving when my father died and I was grieving, having a drink over, it wasn’t gonna make it any better.
I would still have the grief and then I’d have, uh, active addiction to deal with all over again. And so there’ve been lots of things in my life that have happened that have been challenging. you know, even not so challenging. Um, we can be challenged by beautiful things happening. ’cause anything, whether it’s a good thing or what we call quote unquote bad be stressful. we can respond to stress in various ways. And for me, I used to respond to stress by, by using. Um, so, so many things have happened and I could have used alcohol or drugs again, but I’ve chosen not to because. I know what I’ll get when I’ll do that. It’s very clear. My history, my, my, my story lays it out very clearly.
What happens when I pick up a drink or a drug or anything else that I have used addictively. Uh, so that’s basically what I mean. There’s no negotiating in terms of that. I don’t drink, don’t use no matter what.
Tami Simon: In your book recovering you, you talk about the importance of having a trigger plan, and I wanna hear more about that. And it sounds like you believe, correct me if I’m wrong, that it’s important to have a trigger plan for small things and big things.
Steven Washington: Yeah, it’s important to think, well, first of all, I think when it comes to recovery, everyone should know that. We have triggers. There are things that are gonna trigger you, people, places, and things. the think that you will rise above that and not be impacted by things outside of yourself that will make you feel uncomfortable and make you desire to, to regulate.
Because I think at the heart of all this, it’s a desire to regulate one’s nervous system, right? Um, it’s just important to think it through. Don’t wait until you’re in. Crisis. Give some thought to the things that habitually trigger you, whether it’s a person in your life. Like I think about when I first got sober, there were people that I used to use with and I had to figure out a way to take care of myself around those people. And that sometimes meant limiting the time I spent. With those people, um, or, um, lovingly letting them go.
Tami Simon: Hello.
Steven Washington: Uh, when I was, when I had an event where alcohol was gonna be served, and I used to, like I said, I used to dance professionally. I was on Broadway. There was always a party, there was always an opening night party, closing night party going away, party, whatever. I had to come up with a plan of action of how I would handle those situations. And sometimes it was, I would call someone before I’d walk in the door to the party just to say, Hey, I’m walking into this party. I’m feeling a little nervous. I just wanna let you know. And, uh, and maybe make a plan to call them afterwards.
Just say, Hey, I’m leaving the party. I made it okay. I didn’t drink. And just knowing that that person is just a phone call away was really helpful to me. Uh. There was streets that I couldn’t walk on when I was in recovery, early recovery, because I used to go to bars and I, whenever I would walk down those streets, I would have, I’d be flooded memories and it would make me feel uncomfortable.
Even with music, there’s some music I had to stop listening to initially because it triggered me. just being conscious of those things. And figuring out how you’re going to navigate it, because it is gonna happen and you don’t want it to catch you completely off guard and pull the rug out from underneath you. You wanna be able to say, oh, okay, I’m feeling triggered. Okay. Take a deep breath. Okay, what’s the next right action for me to take? Lemme call so and so. Let me not walk down that street. Let me go take another route. Um. So yeah, that’s, that’s my strategy when it comes to the triggers, especially for someone who’s early in their recovery.
Tami Simon: Now you mentioned this big event in your life thinking you were gonna be a Chinese medical doctor and instead not pursuing that, but having discovered the practice of Qigong and. You’re not the kind of person who quits anything, but you had to quit that program. What did you learn about how to get through that and I guess I would say sober or clean and sober?
What? What words would you use?
Steven Washington: Hmm. I would say sober, but also understanding the spiritual through line that was happening the experience. Whenever I think about that time of my life and the big lesson, the big takeaway from that is asking for help to ask for help, which for me does not come easy. grew up in an environment where. You don’t tell anyone your business, you keep it all to yourself. Um, you know, you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with it. And so for me to admit that It changed my mind about becoming a Chinese medicine doctor. After I moved to California from New York, I told everyone that this is what I was gonna do. I was so certain, uh, I just felt a, a lot of shame. And for me, of my story is, uh, when I went to undergrad, when I was a, a young dancer in New York, I went to NYU I. Didn’t graduate from NYUI did about three years, and then I, I left that program. And so going into Chinese medicine school and coming to a similar crossroads, I felt like I felt like a failure. And then I realized, no, I, I’m not a failure. And it’s not that I can’t do this work. That I’m making another choice and I have the power and the right to make a different choice. we make choices based on the information that we have. nonetheless, it taught me how to ask for help. I had to ask people how to help me study because I did not know how to study and work at level in Chinese medicine school. And I, I, and I got so much help that I actually. I became a very good student there.
Um, I had to go to meetings and share with people that I thought about drinking and that the stress was just too much for me and that I was sitting in my car before going into class and, and crying in my car. It taught me to let people in and I thought I’d learned that lesson long before when, like when I got sober. I admitted to someone that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable, I thought I could check that off my list. what I understand, especially from that experience, is that there’s so many different layers and levels to the lessons that we learn. I know that we often talk about peeling back the layers of an onion.
Every lesson is like an onion, and you keep peeling back the layers and there’s more and there’s more. You, you always are progressing and, and gaining knowledge and, and, and competency. but there’s always more. So that’s my greatest lesson that I learned.
Tami Simon: What would you say to someone who doesn’t find asking for help? Easy doesn’t come naturally to them. They don’t want to do it. What would you say?
Steven Washington: Yeah. Well, and this kind of goes back to in my book, there’s a chapter on social support and how important social support is, and one of my friends that I interviewed for the book talked about how when she first, when she first got sober, she. She had to get into the habit of connecting with people when, when the shit hadn’t hit the fan. You want to practice that when the stakes are small for little things, so that when the big things happen, you’re already well practiced at asking for help. Having a social support network, starting small, um, and for some people inability to ask for help. Is sometimes I think, related to, um, anxiety, social anxiety, sometimes not knowing how to connect with people, not wanting to feel, um, inadequate. And I think what prepares you to be able to ask for help is just what you do and just nurturing the relationships you have in your life. The time that you spend with people and the way that you connect with people. And you don’t need a, you don’t need a million people in your life. You just have a handful of people that, uh, make you feel like yourself, you see yourself, you, that you, you feel loved and supported, not for what you can give them or for.
Um. Becoming what you think they want you to be. You just being who you are. I think that’s the building. Those are the building blocks to being in a point where you could ask someone for help and when you’re willing to help others. I think when you’re willing to help others, that that put you more in a position of when the tables turn, ’cause eventually they will turn. People need people. We’re more able to to do that because we’re already in that flow of help, that flow of helping and support.
Tami Simon: You mentioned, Steven, that shame came up for you when here you told all these people, I’m gonna do this thing and you’re not gonna do this thing. And it resonated with not, uh, graduating, uh, from college. I didn’t graduate from college. Either, but in your book recovering, that’s an aside in your book recovering you, you say that shame is the linchpin of addiction, and I wanted to understand more how you see that.
Steven Washington: I think shame for me is underneath so much of what allowed my addictive tendencies to to, to flourish. And it’s not even, you know, shame is this, this sense that we are not good. That there’s something inherently wrong with us. And I, what I’ve discovered my own story in writing that book was there’s a lot of shame that I inherited as well. Shame that didn’t even belong to me. But I took it on unbeknownst to me, and then later on in life, I had to just sort of dissect things and, and, and unpack it all. Um, but when you, when you don’t feel that you are worthy enough to take up the space that you take up in the world, then what incentive is there to. Take care of yourself and value yourself if, if you don’t feel as though you are worthy that, that you are less than. And so for me, that underlying that through line of shame fed my addiction. It made me, it made it easy for me to, pick up that drink or to smoke that joint and to just check out. And not have to deal with, with the underlying shame that I didn’t really even know, uh, existed for me. It, it took some time for me to understand that that’s what was at play.
going back to this being the linchpin of addiction, that shame and, and fear, uh, think are through lines, threads in that tapestry. And once you start pulling at the thread, you start to see what’s really there. And if you just keep pulling, you’re able to unravel, uh, what’s there and what’s been built up. And start to heal. ’cause you can’t fix something. You can’t change something that you won’t admit or acknowledge is there.
Tami Simon: All right, so let’s talk to that person who says, look, I, I, I can certainly identify shame. I know it. I’ve seen it. I know how it’s operating in my life. What’s been hard is to actually know how to heal it in a lasting way. And I know you’ve been teaching on healing shame and having it transform into self-compassion, and I think that’s a topic that a lot of us would like to hear more on.
Steven Washington: Hmm. For the person who is struggling with shame, I think the first step is to acknowledge that that’s what’s happening for you, and understand when it’s been, when it’s being triggered. And I think what’s been healing for me when it comes to shame has been to not keep it a secret, to share it with someone that you trust, and that could be a therapist for me, it was a therapist for me, it was also a recovery sponsor, a mentor. could be a, a spiritual figure in your life, someone that you trust and know that they have your wellbeing. Uh, prioritize your wellbeing. What can happen sometimes is people share their shame with people who have not earned the the right to hear. That shame and can’t hold space for you. So being discerning about who you choose to share this tender part of yourself with. So been a really important part of healing and what I teach people and share with people. But I also teach people how to connect to their body because we hold shame in our body. We hold emotions in the body. And if we take time to practice, breath work, practice becoming aware of the sensations in our body through meditation, doing practices like Qigong where we move the physical energy, the emotional energy through the body, and it allows us to pay attention. much of what we’re talking about operates underneath our, you know, our awareness and our level of consciousness. And it’s not until we stop, down, get still enough, able to see what’s there and begin to unpack it in a, in a very loving and nurturing and compassionate way. So I always encourage people to move their body, to connect to nature in some way, to uh, to. Check in. We’re all moving at a million miles per hour. So many things are pulling at us, and it’s easy to become distracted and pulled away from the deeper parts of ourselves. So as far as shame is concerned, I would say getting quiet, getting still moving the body, finding someone to share you’re shame with. Having conversations about it, um, allowing others to help you hold, uh, allow them to hold space for you.
Tami Simon: And a, a follow-up question, Steven. ’cause when you first started talking about shame, you said, and it’s not necessarily all, even yours or, that’s what I heard you say, like, from this lifetime or I, I was, I, I wanna see if you could make clear what you were pointing to there in your own experience.
Steven Washington: I’ll give you an example. when I was growing up, um, my father remarried and, uh, married my stepmother Diane, who I loved dearly. And I remember being a 10-year-old kid and, and, uh, at that time I think Happy Days was on television and, uh, the fawns wore his white t-shirts and the sleeves rolled up or what have you.
So I took a white T-shirt and I, and I cut the sleeves off
Tami Simon: Yeah.
Steven Washington: and she, and ’cause I thought that was cool
Tami Simon: Yeah.
Steven Washington: she was furious with me. And it wasn’t like we were poor and didn’t have money and, and how dare I cut up a shirt that, you know, cost so much? It wasn’t that. She said, you look like one of those homosexuals. I was 10 years old. I didn’t even know what that meant, but I knew whatever it was, it was not good. And so all these years later I can talk about it because it’s something that I latched onto. And took on, like, there was a deep sense of fear in her mind around people who were gay and so much so that, uh, I have a, have a, I have another family member who is gay and they never came out to her his entire life. Meanwhile, I’m 18 and I come out, but, um. But that’s what I mean in terms of shame. That’s, that’s adopted and you taken on, and I held that for a long time and I’m sure that fed into my feelings of, um, low self-worth feelings of being less than, or be feelings of, being, um, bad or dirty. Because, because I liked boys. Um. So that’s, that’s the shame that I, I’m referring to in terms of taking on someone else’s shame. I have no idea what happened to her in her life that led her to, to have that belief. And it’s not uncommon. Um, but it’s amazing how that, it’s contagious. Shame is contagious.
Tami Simon: Yeah, that’s a great example. Uh, really makes it real. Thank you. When you talked about also what we carry in our bodies, what I thought about is how many of us have body shame? Of some kind. And here you are, you’re working with people with Qigong movements and Pilates, but you’re dancing with people and, uh, you’re shirtless on YouTube, I have to say.
And you’re clearly making a, a statement. I think in that of, you know, we can, uh, love and accept and, uh, move our bodies and be in a joyful place. And so I’d love to hear your insights on working with people to heal body shame specifically.
Steven Washington: I love this question because from the moment I started work doing this work of teaching people, particularly Qigong. I started to teach at environments for people who are, you know, who consider themselves to be highly sensitive and intuitive, and what I discovered was that a lot of them were very disconnected from their bodies. had spent so much time. Focusing on their minds and their connection to spirit, but were not connected to their bodies for various reasons. I’m sure for some people it’s because of trauma. some people endured sexual abuse or um, or physical abuse. Uh, many reasons why one would want to of leave their body, and so getting them in these. Live events or even online. Getting them to feel comfortable enough to move their body and and observe the sensations in their body and not be also self-conscious was quite a process. And one of the things that started to do was try to meet people wherever they were at. they weren’t able to do the movement as I am demonstrating the movement, would invite them to envision, imagine themselves. Moving their body in that way. Like what would it be like if you imagined that you were moving your body in the way that I’m moving my body? And if that’s not available to you, just like connecting to your breath, putting your hands on your belly just taking some deep breaths and just feeling your body breathe to slowly start to kinda reintroduce the person to their body again and change the. Perhaps the narrative that they have around their body, at the heart of what I teach is self-care. And one of the goals that I have in teaching self-care is to help people embrace the fact that they deserve to take good care of themselves, like they deserve care, and that the, the, the best person to care for them is themselves, that’s something that’s available to them. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And so really meeting people wherever they’re at and not, um, not letting the, and letting them know that they don’t have to do it perfectly. uh, there’s a sense that many of us have that if we can’t do something perfectly, then why even. It’s amazing how much pressure we put on ourselves.
We try something new for the very first time. Never done it before, ever, but we expect that when we do it, we’re gonna do it perfectly. No one can correct them or anything like that. So I want to remind them that it’s, the goal is not to do it perfectly. The goal is just to have a, an experience and just to notice what comes up in the experience and just be open to it. Just be open.
Tami Simon: What about the kind of body shame that’s like, I’m too fat in this part of my body, or I’m too short, or, I don’t know, whatever it might be for someone.
Steven Washington: Oh gosh. I think that that’s a really good question. That’s a really good question, and I like to remind people that change is possible, like if you desire to change something about yourself, that it’s impo. It’s possible to do. It is possible to do if you choose to do it. But that has to be your own choice. If someone feels self-conscious about their weight, they can change that about themselves if they, if they choose to, but they don’t have to. That’s a tough one. Tammy. That’s a tough one for me
Tami Simon: Well, I still, I still feel inspired by your answer about, uh, connecting with our bodies and. If it’s something we can change knowing we can change it.
Steven Washington: yeah. You know, and having you say that just reminds me about something. You know, one of the greatest gifts that I’ve gotten in recovery is acceptance, learning to accept the things I cannot change. And there’s some things about myself that no matter how hard I’ll try. I may not be able to change it.
For instance, I’m a nail biter. I’ve been biting my nails ever since I was a kid, and I’ve had a lot of shame about that in my life. But I had this thought several years ago of Steven, what if you never stop biting your nails? Can you live with that? Are you gonna wait to be happy, uh, waiting for the day that you suddenly don’t have this habit anymore to like, be happy or love yourself as much as you possibly can? are you gonna do it now? And what I’ve, what I came to realize is like, I’m gonna do that now, I might bite my nails until I’m 99 years old and that’s okay. And I say to the person who. Who has something about themselves that they don’t particularly love? I just invite them to be more compassionate to themselves and to not put off their sense of wholeness waiting on something to change. Like can we change our thoughts and our feelings about the thing? Not necessarily changing the thing. But can we change our relationship to the thing? I like to guide people to a place of being able to change their relationship with the thing, change, um, their perceptions, their perspective. There’s so much potential there for that.
Tami Simon: Steven, I’m also a nail biter, so I’m just gonna take a moment here. Uh, this isn’t a particularly, now I look like some kind of strange Claude figure, like a slot or something. This is a particularly short moment in my, uh, nails. It’s been a, it’s been a challenging week. Sometimes they’re longer. Okay. I’ve demonstrated here we are, you and I together, brother.
Steven Washington: Yeah.
Tami Simon: we are.
Steven Washington: Yeah. Yeah. I hope that my analogy was able to, to, to illustrate the point
Tami Simon: It landed for me. I, I never, I usually, I keep my hands, you know, way, way below the camera. I’ve never done that before. This is a moment, you know, it’s a moment.
Steven Washington: thank you for. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to do that.
Tami Simon: Well, I think that part of it too is when you were talking about anything that we’re ashamed about and the power of sharing it and talking about it.
I was thinking about the proven healing power of confession of any kind, and just when you air it out, it shifts. Now I wanna pick up on one other thread because. A couple of times you’ve mentioned the connection between sensitivity, at least for you and addiction. And in recovering you, you talk about, uh, a kind of working idea.
You have that a lot of times when people are addicted, they’re also, uh, sensitive people, that that’s a component of their addiction, and I wanted to hear more about that.
Steven Washington: That came to my attention in all my years of going to recovery meetings and just listening to people’s stories and, and meeting people, and also just looking at my own experience and who I am. I’m a very sensitive person and I, I just was able to identify that of the reasons why I. Use substances was to feel okay in my body and to feel okay in the world, um, to help me.
It helped me be more social and be more connected to people. Uh, and so I was able to identify that sensitivity is a common thread with a lot of us. So how do we take that sensitivity and nurture it in another way? And I think practices like Qigong, practices like breath work and meditation, help us to check in and tune into that in our inner world, our inner life, and to discover things about ourselves that we might not have known about. And to embrace that and to nurture it of trying to mask it. Or, or, um, it under the rug or pretend that it’s not there. It’s kind of like, I think of sensitivity much like, oh, what a, I think a, was it Anita Moorjani’s book about sensitive is a new, strong, or something like that? That, um, or sensitivity is like a superpower and it’s all about how we. Work with it and what our beliefs are around it and how do we nurture it. For me, it’s definitely an asset and I think my work helps to empower people to find healthy ways to. Connect with their sensitivity, um, regulate their nervous system because oftentimes when we’re sensitive and we feel triggered, it triggers our nervous system and we’re just trying to figure out ways to go from fight or flight back to a more restful, relaxed state. Um, but there’s definitely. That connection for me and for many with sensitivity and addiction and just a way to feel okay in the world.
Tami Simon: What are your beliefs now about your sensitivity?
Steven Washington: Oh, my sensitivity. I believe that it’s what helps me connect with people, um, helps me connect with people, to remind myself that I’m not alone. To remind them that they aren’t alone as well, and that their sensitivity is there is a, a tremendous asset that it allows them to, connect to the deeper parts of themselves to really understand themselves.
I really believe, especially in this season of my life, that I’m like the best virtue of myself, in part because I’m so in tune with my sensitivity. And that includes my intuition, um, and listening to the, that still small voice inside of me. And so I always encourage people to do the same, to the best of their abilities.
And I think the more I can do that for myself and just, and to illustrate that, it gives people permission to, to do their version of that as well.
Tami Simon: All right, Steven, here’s something I really want to talk to you about. As I was reading, recovering you, one of the things I learned that you wrote about, about you is that trusting a power higher than yourself didn’t at first come naturally to you, but yet it’s something that has now emerged in you as a kind of bedrock of your life.
And that’s what I want to hear. How, what was your journey to trust a power higher than you?
Steven Washington: Well, it’s, I, it’s important to note that I grew up Southern Baptist and so it was a lot of fire, a lot of brimstone. And I always felt like I didn’t have a place in that environment because I knew I was different. And so I always felt a certain sense of shame about what I knew about myself intuitively. And I always felt like church was not a safe place for me, and I didn’t believe that I, I believe that God knew about me, but didn’t necessarily care. And one of the things that my recovery has taught me is that my higher power can be whatever it is that I want it to be. Like I get to define what my higher power is. And my higher power is a loving, funny, sensitive, strong, smart, um, energy that. Wants only good things for me, wants me to grow and be the best version of myself. So it was a long journey to, to understand that and give myself the freedom to define that for myself.
And in part, I learned how to do that because I watch other people do it. I watched a wide variety of different people share their concept of a higher power, their connection to whatever it is that they would choose to call God. So that was incredibly freeing and it’s something that has unfolded for me much like that.
Like I was saying earlier, that peeling back of the layer of the onion, I feel as though my connection to my higher power just grows in a very beautiful. Organic way, and I just discover more and more and more and the relationship gets more and more comfortable and casual. Like I love when I have moments when I drop in the prayer and I’m talking to, talking to my higher power, like I’m talking to you. Like for years I would say wrote prayers like the Serenity Prayer, which I still use every now and again or the, or the our father or something like that. But it’s just, I’m just saying words. But when I, when I talk to my higher power, just like I’m talking to you right now, it’s different. It feels more real.
It feels more connective, it feels more regulating, it feels more, um, aligned. And so that’s just one example of how it’s evolved for me over time. And it’s something that’s really exciting to me because I keep learning so many subtle things each and every day. Through this work I got, I became a cer, um, a certified meditation teacher, um, about a year and a half ago, I’ve, I absolutely adored that journey because it allowed me to really. Dive into that inner world, that inner space to really just listen, to listen. Um, and that’s a space that I used to be uncomfortable with. You know, getting, being still enough to listen. Um, which is something that was hard. Like in recovery they talk about, um, prayer and meditation being an important part of recovery.
And I was like, I got the prayer thing down, but the meditation, oh, I heard somebody say that meditation could be as simple as you sitting down. Um, being quiet, looking out the window while you’re waiting for the water to boil. Like that’s a, like start where you are. Um, and so I’ve really enjoyed this process of going deeper and, and listening and connecting to my higher power.
Tami Simon: Now you described Steven, your higher power, uh, all these positive words, energy that wants what’s good for you. And I wonder when something that doesn’t seem good, untoward, unwanted, you know, when the, you know, what hits the fan?
Steven Washington: Mm-hmm.
Tami Simon: How do you work with that in such a way? Oh, the universe. This energy wants what’s good for me?
This sure doesn’t look very good. This looks like fucking hell.
Steven Washington: Yeah. Wow. That’s a really good question. And. Truthfully,
Tami Simon: Yeah. Oh yeah.
Steven Washington: always, truthfully, I have yet to,
Tami Simon: Yes.
Steven Washington: I have yet to yell out at my higher power when something difficult happens. Um, for instance, a few years ago I went through a divorce. That was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to experience. Um, I come from a family, uh, of divorce and that’s the last thing I wanted for myself. Um, when I moved through that process, I don’t recall ever once saying, you know, why me, why is this happening? is this, how is this going to. Benefit or, or work in my favor or, or be, um, in service to my growth and
Tami Simon: Okay.
Steven Washington: I never, I never questioned that and I, I very quickly got into the head space of like, okay, this is happening for me. I might not have all the details of how and why this is happening for me, but I’m going to search experience for that. Because I knew it was going to be ripe with that. And, and I, I, one thing that I have never really thought of when it comes to my God was I’ve never really thought that, oh, it’s my God’s job to make everything comfortable for me. It’s what my higher power does for me is it gives me the tools that I need to navigate. Tough stuff. Um, doesn’t mean I’m not gonna experience the tough stuff, but I, I have the tools in which to, to navigate it and the support um, everything that’s going to help me take what’s come my way and utilize it to become an, an even better version myself. And what I’ve started to do with it all and with everything I’ve done, like even from, just from the very beginning of this conversation, just we started talking about recovery. Early on, I saw how my recovery and my journey with recovery could help somebody else. that’s why from the very beginning when I began having a presence online, it was around my recovery and my family issues.
’cause I know there are lots of people out there who are going through something similar and they might feel alone. They might feel like no one understands what they’re going through. And I want them to know that. Hey, you’re not alone. And I’ve gone through that too. I’m going through it now and this is what’s helping me and maybe it’ll help you.
Tami Simon: What about that person who’s does have this notion that their life is supposed to be somehow, their faith is supposed to deliver them. Uh, a path that doesn’t have terribly hard challenges. That seems like something that maybe needs to get examined in some way. ’cause I mean, all of us, all of us get wacky curve balls.
Steven Washington: we do. We do. And I think it gets back, comes back to acceptance. Like the greatest gift I’ve gotten in recovery is just this ability to accept the things that I can’t change. Doesn’t mean I gotta like it like. I didn’t like getting a divorce, you know, it was quite the opposite, I understood that this is what it was and that, um, and that there could be something really positive that comes out of it. And you know, I think for the person who’s struggling with that, everyone has to go through their own experience of kind of butting their heads against the wall, trying to, Trying to create something that’s not really in alignment with where the energies in their life are, are, are, are leading and going and, and everyone’s journey to acceptance is, is different. So, um, that person’s like just, you know, hang in there, try to take care of yourself as you move through this. Be gentle with yourself. As you move through this. Um, but sometimes people have to fall a bit more before they can get up or before they have that, that awakening that um, thing that, that has been very deeply uncomfortable for them is actually something that’s going to, um, bear fruit for them in only a way that they’re going to be able to identify how that is So.
Tami Simon: Beautiful in recovering you, you introduce, uh, lots of different practices. Each chapter has guidelines for self-inquiry along with a type of Qigong inspired movement breath practice, and you introduce the notion of doing breath prayers and I wonder if you could share a bit about that and if we might be able to even You ready for this?
Do it together.
Steven Washington: Yeah, I love that. So, when I was writing the book, I just did some research around this idea of using breath and coordinating it with a prayer and making it as simple as possible. Whereas with each breath that you take into your body, you, you imagine that you want to cultivate. In your life, something that you want more of, whether that’s peace or love or balance or health. And then when they exhale, releasing whatever it is might that might be standing in the way of you achieving this. And so like for you, Tami, think about what one thing is that you want to cultivate into your life, if you can think about it in one word. And then think about that one word that describes what might be standing in the way. And then from there, just sitting where you are. Just, just take the hands and lift them up and allow the palms to face your body pace, your heart. And take a deep breath in through your nose, and as you do so, bring the hands towards the heart, drawing in more of what you want to cultivate, then allow the palms to face away from you. And as you exhale, release whatever it is that might be standing in the way palms face. You inhale and drawing in the energy you want to cultivate. Exhale, releasing that is standing in the way. Inhale. Exhale. Let’s do this three more times. One last time. And float your arms down. Hands rest on your lap. Hmm, eh. And now we’re back.
Tami Simon: Terrific. Simple practice. Steven. Thank you.
Steven Washington: Yeah. You are
Tami Simon: Thank you here. As we end, I promise that I wanted to talk a little bit more about Qigong. And the reason I bring that up is I’ve done some practice with a couple of different Qigong teachers, and IL really did take to it like a duck to water. I just loved it so much and you know, if I were to try to say why did I love it so much?
I don’t know. It was easy. So I loved that, uh, energy flowed. I felt grounded. I could feel a sort of energetic alignment in front of the spine. Uh, my hands lit up with energy. I mean, these are some of the things I love about it, but what I’m curious, uh, as we conclude our conversation is if I were to say, Steven, tell me what are the core qung insights that now pervade your life?
As someone in recovery, what would you say from Qigong, that practice specifically?
Steven Washington: Key insights. Uh. First thing that comes to mind is there’s always more than meets the eye. So Qigong, like I said, from the very beginning, my first experience with it allowed me to zoom out and see the big picture. when we’re moving through life, it’s so easy to just have tunnel vision. So Qigong is such an expansive practice that we get to zoom out and just appreciate all the different facets of our experience. And that impacts the way that we move and what our next step will be. So that’s a key insight and that can impact the way that I feel by how I breathe and my breathing impacts how I feel, and whether that’s doing a simple breath work, practice, or doing mindful breathing as I’m moving the body. I can change my state of being. And when I was in active addiction, that’s all I was really trying to do is trying to change my state of being. But now I can change my state of being in a more holistic way. So that’s a key insight that I have from, from my Qigong practice. And just this reminder that everything is energy. Everything is energy and it’s all the same energy, but different manifestations of it, like ice, to water, water turning to mist. It’s all H2O, but just different forms of it. I, I, I tend to look at the world with that in mind that everything is energy and that our energies interact how. Sometimes they interact in a way like this and sometimes they interact in a way like, like this, and sometimes they interact in a way like that.
So to be sensitive to it all.
Tami Simon: I’ve been talking with Steven Washington. He’s the author of the book Recovering You. Soul care and mindful movement for overcoming addiction, and he’s created the SWE Studio, which is an online community that offers movement, meditation and more. Stephen, what A warm presence. Warm and loving, accepting, truth telling.
Presence you have. I’ve really enjoyed our time here. Thank you so much. Thanks for being you, making your recovery non-negotiable. Thank you.
Steven Washington: Thank you. So great to have this time with you. I really appreciate it.
Tami Simon: Thanks friends. Thanks for being with us.
